Fairness in the Marlow household

[carmine-rose.livejournal.com]

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the fair/unfair treatment of the Marlow young by their parents. I'm thinking specifically the treatment of Nicola by her parents/mother in Cricket Term. Is there anyway this could have been handled better? Should it actually have been Nicola who was going to have to leave? Should they have told her or dropped it on her in the summer holidays? Should they have removed all the girls, or perhaps just both twins?

For that matter, should Lawrie have been given the Prosser? (I know this wasn't her parents' decision, I'm just interested whether people think it was a good judgement call on the part of the staff.)

In a similar vein, what about the horse business in Peter's Room? Was it fair that their mother bought Ginty a horse for her birthday, and said no-one else was to ride it? Was it reasonable to buy herself one before ensuring the children all had equal access to a horse for hunting? In effect, she created a situation where one daughter was the only one in the family who was unable to go hunting (without hiring a horse), which seems harsh to me. But then, I'm from a small family where such unequality with gifts never happened - is this normal for a large family? Was Lawrie's reaction reasonable, or did other readers take it as just one more example of her throwing whiny tantrums?

These two occasions seemed to me to best illustrate Mrs. Marlow's failings as a mother (and also perhaps where the children got their selfishness) - I wondered if anyone else felt the same.

Can anyone else think of any other examples of this kind of thing? Or of fairer treatment?

Comments

[melandraanne.livejournal.com]

Interesting question...

First of all, I think Mrs Marlow has a pretty tough time, being left sole in charge of such a large family while her husband is at sea for so much of the time. And she tries hard in order not to flap too much, not to criticize one child in front of another, not to be hypocritical (for example when Karen announced her wedding plans...) Considering she can only have been in her early 40's, I feel she does pretty well !

Concerning the fee-paying situation, I suppose they could have looked around for another (slightly) cheaper school for all four girls. Taking just one out does, on the surface, look rather unfair - although Mrs Marlow's reasons for Nicola's 'it's you' letter seem totally reasonable. I must admit that having been in a similar situation myself, I did have one daughter in private school and one in public for a year - it just happened to be the most convenient way to do things when financial changes meant we couldn't keep them both at the private school.

For the Prosser, it does sound, to me, like the sort of thing a school would do - to find a rather 'cheeky' way to give the award twice to the same family. Kingscote must have done quite well out of the Marlows over the years, and that does tend to count. I was at boarding school with some very large families, where 5 or 6 girls had all gone through the school, and it became noticeable that 'solutions' were sometimes found for them that would not have been reached for others...

I must admit that I've always been rather shocked by Ginny and her amazing birthday/Christmas present, especially as it does not seem to compare with other things we have heard about (how much would two reworked party frocks cost, for example, compared to a horse ? And didn't Nicky's penknife have to last her until her 21st birthday ?)

However, I suppose we're not getting all the information here ... perhaps Ginny's been asking for a horse on a weekly basis since she was small ? Perhaps she was the only one to kick up a fuss when the girls stopped riding lessons at school because they could ride at home (if I remember that bit correctly) and was promised a horse to make up for it ?

[carmine-rose.livejournal.com]

Perhaps saying Mrs Marlow is a bad mother is a bit strong, but I don't know. I don't think she's a particularly good mother, but I guess she's just trying to do her best. I still feel that it was unfair to all the others to single Ginty out to such an extent, as I definitely got the impression that it was an unusually big present. I don't generally have much sympathy with Lawrie, but this was one occasion I felt for her, especially since all the tohers seemed to be a bit cavalier about her distress as well.

I'm still not sure about the school fees thing - it seems unfair to pick one, but I'm not sure how they could have done it otherwise, and Mrs Marlow's reasons are pretty logical. I think the worst thing is that in effect Lawrie is being "rewarded" for being a brat, and Nicola "punished" for being the better behaved twin.

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

I don't think she's a particularly good mother

I think she's an excellent mother. The horses pother is really not a good example of it.

The letter to Nicola, on the other hand, is arguable; I think it's an example of how she is a good mother - she's clear about what's happening, she explains why Nicola will have to be the one to leave, and I think she breaks it to Nicola the right way: she could have come to visit and told her face-to-face, but then everyone would have known something was up, and it's obvious Nicola is a much more a private person - I think it's reasonable that Mrs Marlow knew a clear, honest letter was the best way to tell Nicola something as shattering as that.

The only argument on the other side is that you could argue that a good mother always treats all of her children exactly alike, and if they couldn't afford all the girls at Kingcote, none of them should be there. That's a point, except that while disagreeing in principle with private education, I agree with Mrs Marlow that it would have been unreasonable to move Ginty or Ann just as they were studying for exams: and personally, I think it would have done Lawrie a lot of good to be separated from Nicola during term-time. ;-)

[jen-c-w.livejournal.com]

I think the worst thing is that in effect Lawrie is being "rewarded" for being a brat, and Nicola "punished" for being the better behaved twin.

it's awkward isn't it? I think Jan says that about Lal being rewarded for being a brat, but in that situation...whilst it's horrendously unfair, in terms of end results Lal would raise merry hell for all the family if she were moved, and probably be disastarous at wherever she went - just look at the fuss she made about being in the remove initially - whereas, as the letter says, Nick'll just buckle down and get on with it.
It's hard, but in larger families there's normally one child that's expected to be successful and no trouble. (sighs with feeling)

[carmine-rose.livejournal.com]

Yes, I definitely agree that Lawrie would benefit more from the independance instilled by boarding school. And Ginty for that matter, as well as the fact that she's doing exams. Plus Ann would offer to go, and that wouldn't be good either. It's just hard on Nicola to be the mature, fuss-free twin!

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

I think that's the point of the entire series: be the dependable person and everybody leans on you!

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

Something that's never mentioned, since Ginty's gift is made clear as being for her, is that the horse needs exercise and a certain amount of expertise. I suspect the whole "it's Ginty's" only lasts as long as the holidays and Rowan gets to use it later on when everyone is back at school - if nothing else, Mrs Marlow could produce that as a suitable excuse for keeping it exercised. And the horse is of a size that means that women could ride it, but the twins might have a certain amount of difficulty.

Horses and dresses

[(Anonymous)]

Isn't the point about the dresses that clothes were still on rationing until about 1953 and that the dresses were originally very grand?
I don't suppose ponies were "on points", were they? And wouldn't Catkin have been handed down when she grew out of him?

Re: Horses and dresses

[melandraanne.livejournal.com]

I can't remember any mention of rationing at the time of Peter's Room - there was no mention of it when Mrs Marlow was going to take Ginny into Colebridge to buy a dress for the party. She did talk about the price, however.
As for Catkin, I thought someone (Rowan I think) said clearly to Lawrie that she shouldn't get her hopes up, if Ginny outgrew Catkin, she'd sell her to buy a horse...

Re: Horses and dresses

[richenda.livejournal.com]

I meant that AF says in a foreword that she isn't going to mention boring things like rationing - which is why it isn't mentioned that material/clothes were rationed, which might be one reason they remake the clothes - apart from the fact that they seem to be rather grand, so good material.