THE THUGGERY AFFAIR IN LOLCAT

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

By me, with thewhiteowl. Previous LOLCAT versions of Marlow books are here and here.

Lawrie: WOEZ. 1/2 TERM B UTTAR SKRUDJ.

Peter: IM IN MAI KANOO, SINKIN IN UR RIVER

Lawrie: IT KAN B OBITUARY TIEM NAO PLZ ?

--

Everyone in Village: OMG THUGZ

The Thuggery: Excuse us, dear denizens of Colebridge, but we are bona fide employées of Miss Maudie Culver of pigeon fame, and we respectfully suggest you take up any problems you have with her.

Everyone in Village: OMG WE NO UNNERSTAN U

--

Miss Culver: IM IN UR FACE SHOOTIN UR HAWK

Patrick: DO NOT WANT

Patrick: I HAS A PIDGIN

Jukie: If you would be so kind as to listen, I will expound my plan, in which through my kindness and good humour your father will escape having to pay a considerable sum to Miss Culver for the unfortunate demise of this valuable pigeon, which I would be grateful if you would return to my care post-haste. At the very least I should like to examine its harness. May I?

Peter: OMG WE NO UNNERSTAN U ETHER, BUT I KNOEZ ABOUT PIDGINS CUZ OF SELBY N U R RONG.

Patrick: WAT THEY SAY? O WELL. I HAS A SEKRIT ROOM.

Lawrie: WTF SPIEZ

Peter: STFU LAL

Peter: OMG DRUGZ

--

The Thuggery: Pardon us, dear fellows, but if you would be kind enough to examine the written evidence on the walls and the cigarette packet, it would be to your material advantage.

Peter: WOEZ WE BE THREATED WITH DETH

The Undying Prose Of Aunt Eulalia: DOVEKOTZ ROOLZ

Patrick: I HAS A PLANZ. LAWRIE B TALK TO POLICES MANS, PETER B DECOI, I B IN UR DOVEKOTZ SPYIN ON UR THUGZ.

--

Lawrie: YAY I B ESPRESO CHIK

Rigid: What an attractive young woman you are! Would you care for a coffee and possibly an afternoon at the cinema?

Lawrie: I NO B UNDERSTANDIN U BUT I LIKEZ U ANYWAI.

--

Peter: I'M IN UR WOODZ, BEIN UR DECOI

Peter: HALP

Ann's Bicycle: DIEZ

Ann: WOEZ.

--

Lawrie: O HAI I HAS ESCAPED FROM UR CINEMA

Police: DO NOT WANT

--

Patrick: IM IN UR DOVEKOTZ, BEIN WORLDS CRAPPEST SPI

Jukie: With all due respect, none of this afternoon's events have transpired in the manner I anticipated, and I am deeply disappointed in you all, though I must say that you, Espresso, continue to inspire me with your feats of pigeon-husbandry.

Espresso: I am attempting to revive this Yellow Mottle, but I can certainly spare the time to advise you of the situation vis à vis my father and his friends in high places.

Yellow Mottle: ESPRESSO HAS A FLAVA

Jukie: Skidskid, I must rebuke you for your overindulgence, and remind you of the sad fates of Dipso and Napoli.

Patrick: I STILL B NOT UNNERSTANDIN AN WORDZ.

Jukie: Good heavens! It is the herbert!

Patrick: STFU JUKY, I HAS NIFE.

The Thuggery: FIGHTZ.

Kinky: I HAS FALLED AND I CANT GET UP.

The Thuggery: What is he saying? We do not understand. The situation has got beyond us. We are most discomposed by it.

Patrick: HE AR B DED.

Jukie: FLEEZ.

--

Marlows: Y U LIE TO POLICES MANS, LAL?

Lawrie: KRIEZ.

--

Jukie: My family situation is a sordid one, and my religious beliefs, whilst individual, afford me little comfort.

Patrick: OMG IM STARTIN 2 UNNERSTAN U!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss Culver's Car: CRASHEZ.

Jukie: DIEZ.

Patrick: WOEZ.

Patrick: O WELL. MORNIN B KOLD AS KOLD C SHELLZ N I BE GOIN HOAM.

Comments

[stripydinosaur.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! Especially the way you reversed the language for the thuggery. Made me choke on my tea.

[colne-dsr.livejournal.com]

Never couild understand that Thuggery slang :-)

[sollersuk.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised. It's a ghastly mix of contemporary and their parents' generation's and no persons of that type of my acquaintance (which includes the relevant date) would have dreamed of trying to communicate with an outsider using it. The function is for talking between themselves in a way that other people cannot understand; as far as I'm concerned it's a major flaw in the book.

[meerium.livejournal.com]

DIEZ

these LOLCATs have been a little ray of sunshine in my otherwise drear worklife.

poor old kinky, falled and cant get up *giggles insanely once more*

[katlinel.livejournal.com]

LOL! I love the way you've done the Thuggery's speech.

[elizahonig.livejournal.com]

This one, while in some senses less hysterically funny, is really the most clever of the bunch! Brilliant switching of levels. I've got to figure out what this LOLCAT stuff is all about.
Thanks for an entertaining evening!

[ex-lizzzar998.livejournal.com]

hilarious

7 years on...

[scarletlobster.livejournal.com]

I thought this was so clever that people might want to look at it when we are discussing The Thuggery Affair, but I couldn't find any way to refer back to an old post. (If you try to link it, it gets pulled as spam.) Hence me trying to add a post to a 7 year old thread to see if that in any way pulls it to the front...

Re: 7 years on...

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

And when I try to find your unjustly spam-blocked comment so that I can use my modly powers to bring it back into existence, I can't find it! This is most unhelpful of LJ. I've now temporarily turned off their spam-blocking feature and will see whether that allows comments with links through.

Thank you for the comment, anyway - it really cheered me up. I will post link to the various lolcats thewhiteowl and I did (was it really seven years ago) on the community in case anyone wants to look at them in conjunction with the readthrough.

Re: 7 years on...

[lizzzar.livejournal.com]

Remembering how brilliant those lolcats were. Doesn't seem that long since they were on the website. I'll have to re- read them - would be fantastic if someone added another.

Re: 7 years on...

[mheloyse.livejournal.com]

Coming to this somewhat late, but had to comment on how funny it was! I'd never heard of LOLCAT (though it's reminiscent of some of the baffling text messages I've received over the years) - full marks to the authors for making me laugh. I liked them all, but agree the Thuggery has the edge. I only wish there were more - could a kindly-disposed and suitably LOLCAT-fluent person do the Players novels, or even Sally Hayward's Spring Term?
KTHANXBAI (I hope I got that right).